


When the Moon, hits your eye, with a big pizza pie (that's amore)

by imsokyoriosyeh (jesperwrites_norights)



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Dialogue Heavy, Diarrhea, Fluff, Lactose Intolerance, M/M, Plot What Plot, crackfluff, oh my god sorry im just so tired of school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27022111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesperwrites_norights/pseuds/imsokyoriosyeh
Summary: “Are you feeling OK?”“Honestly, uh, not feeling so Gucci."orJacob and Kevin go out on a picnic date on one of their days off. Homosexuality ensues.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60





	When the Moon, hits your eye, with a big pizza pie (that's amore)

**Author's Note:**

> there is no excuse for this im just tired we are all tired the boyz are tired too
> 
> plus moonbae just jumped at me in the dream this was based off and now theyre one of my otp im an easy bitch

Jacob was not sure what hurt more: his eye where Kevin slammed the pizza box in to, or the scrape in his throat from the mint he swallowed while laughing.

“Holy shit I’m so sorry!” Kevin all but dropped the pizza box onto the grass and grabbed Jacob’s face in his hands, “Are you okay? Are you going to die?”

“No,” Jacob rasped out. He would laugh harder but Kevin was squeezing his cheeks so he couldn’t really breathe, “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Oh thank god,” Kevin let go and kicked the pizza box onto the picnic blanket, “I told you this pizza was too big. I can’t even carry it in my arms how am I going to carry it in my intestines?”

“You’ll manage,” Jacob smiled and patted Kevin’s tummy, before reaching over to get the water.

Kevin frowned and brushed Jacob’s bangs back as he drank, “Are you sure it doesn’t hurt? Your eye’s watering.”

Jacob swallowed, “It’s OK, don’t worry.”

“But—”

“It’s fiiiiine,” Jacob smiled and shook Kevin by the shoulders until he did too, “We’re supposed to be chilling today. So, chill.”

“Chill, yeah I can do that,” Kevin leaned on Jacob as he opened the pizza box, “I can chi- what the fuck it’s so big!”

Jacob laughed, “Stop swearing we’re in public- oh,” The pizza didn’t seem to even fit in the box, with its crust basically spilling over the edges of the box and its cheese leaking out of holes at the side, “OK, that is really big.”

“We’re not going to finish this.”

“We don’t have to. We have nine other guys to bring the leftovers to,” Jacob said, weaning a slice out with a napkin and handing it to Kevin, “Ladies first.”

“Didn’t know I was dating such a gentleman, thank you,” Kevin laughed and took the slice.

“Chivalry isn’t dead,” Jacob took a slice and snorted at how much oilier it was up close, “Though we might be if we finish this. Did you take your lactase?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said before taking an indulgent bite of his pizza.

“Okay good,” Jacob had to suck up oil to keep it from dripping.

They burned through probably five more slices each. Jacob figured it was fine that they were eating this much since tomorrow was a practice day. Besides, he trusted Kevin to take his medicine. He’s been doing it for years, and never let anyone forget it.

Jacob thought back to drunk Kevin standing on their table and yelling, “MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO YARD AND THEY’RE LIKE: I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!”

“What are you smiling at?”

“Nothing, you’re just cute,” Jacob replied.

“Duh, of course I am,” Kevin rolled his eyes, “I wouldn’t be an idol if I weren’t.”

“Well you know, in the olden times—“

“Oh my god,” Kevin gasped and slapped him on the arm, “Shut up before some H.O.T. stan hears you or something.”

“Hey! I wasn’t even dropping names!”

“Well I’m just dropping facts,” Kevin made a gesture that seemed to be him clicking his invisible acrylics, “No printer, just facts.”

“We can’t say stuff like this about our seniors.”

“Not _my_ seniors. Boy groups who? Weird way to pronounce _Wonder Girls_.”

Jacob wheezed, “Kev—”

“What can I say? _SNSD_ paved the way.”

Kevin spread his arms out to demonstrate “the way,” only to knock over the gallon water bottle they were sharing. The water spilled on the picnic blanket and soaked their already grease swimming pizza to an unappetizing extent. The both of them had gotten off the blanked by the time Jacob managed to right the bottle.

Kevin’s face fell, “Oh shit. Oh shiiiit.”

Jacob tried to lift the pizza box, but the bottom sagged with moisture, “Oh yikes. Well that’s… Kev are you crying?”

Kevin wiped his eyes on his sleeve, “No there’s just water on my face.”

Jacob didn’t think the water flicked up that high, but he didn’t say so. He just picked up a napkin and wiped his boyfriend cheeks where he saw they were wet.

“Better?”

“Yeah,” Kevin didn’t meet his eyes but he gave him a shit eating grin, “Thanks babe.”

Jacob chuckled, “Do we have other containers? Let’s transfer the pizza.”

“Sure,” Kevin brought out the tupperwares in their bag and started peeling the wet pizza off of the carboard, “This is nasty.”

“Yeah, the guys are going to hate us for bringing it back like this.”

Jacob swore Kevin frowned at that, “They won’t have to eat it.”

“Yeah, but they probably will anyway. They eat like garbage disposals, especially Sangyeon.”

“True, true,” They managed to squish the sliced into their five tupperwares, with one folded to fit in a sauce container, “What about the blanket?”

Jacob knew what he was thinking, and he didn’t want to ride the bus with a dripping wet blanket either; they didn’t need even more weird exposure.

“We can take a walk and leave it here to dry? It should be alright in an hour.”

“We’re going to walk for an hour? I thought this was a day off?”

Jacob laughed, “We can stop at any time. Come on.”

They walked a few rounds through most of the park, just so that their stuff was still in eyeshot. They judged people around them and talked the whole time, but Kevin wasn’t as into dissing people’s awful fall attire as he usually was. Jacob figured he was just tired; it had been a long week. But they stopped more often than they would have, and by the fourth stop on a bench, Kevin did not want to get up again.

“You’re kind of pale,” Jacob sat down beside him and tried to uncross Kevin’s arms so that he could hold his hand, “Are you feeling OK?”

“Honestly, uh, not feeling so Gucci,” Kevin laughed, then he frowned and his stomach grumbled audibly, “You remember how I said I took my meds… before I ate ten slices of pizza? Well—”

Jacob’s eyes widened, “Kevin.”

“I thought I would be fine,” Kevin pouted, “My gut is just shit at its job.”

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“Yeah?”

“Like right now?”

“No,” Kevin’s arms tightened around his stomach, “Uh, actually yeah. I do.”

“What was that?”

“My elbow just popped,” Jacob called through the stall door. His arms kind of hurt from basically carrying Kevin to the bathroom once they had to run to a second one, because the closest one had been closed for maintenance.

“Oh, sorry.”

“It’s OK.”

“It’s not OK,” Kevin groaned, “I’m such a mess today.”

Jacob honestly couldn’t disagree, “Is something wrong?”

“Well, I’ve kinda got some explosive diarrhea going on?”

“I mean, you know,” Jacob shrugged, “Are you feeling nervous?”

“Nervous?”

“I don’t know, you only really get like this backstage sometimes. Like that time, you got kimchi in Changmin’s pants—”

“Don’t bring that up oh my god!” Kevin’s yelled, “I’m already having a crisis! Don’t do this to me!”

Jacob tried not to snort at the memory of Changmin yelling _It’s weird and wet but like, not in the fun way_ “Sorry, sorry. Are you feeling better?”

There was another loud splatter and shart before Kevin answered, a little more quietly, “Getting there.”

“Okay, that’s good,” Jacob passed a closed water bottle under the door, “Drink a little so you don’t get dehydrated.”

He heard Kevin uncap the bottle and taking a sip before speaking again, “Is anyone else outside?”

Jacob had noticed an older man giving them weird look since a while ago. He was two stalls down from Kevin’s, but Jacob didn’t really care if he heard them or something.

“Not really. Kev, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I—” Kevin farted loudly, “Oh man sorry. Can you smell that?”

“No, not really,” The exhaust in the bathroom was good, so Jacob didn’t smell much.

“Well, as I was saying, I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to! It’s stupid and you’re going to laugh.”

Jacob sighed, just as the guy flushed the toilet and stepped out of his stall, “Kevin, this whole situation is sufficiently stupid, and I’m not laughing. I’m not going to laugh at you OK?”

Kevin hesitated for a bit too long, then said, “Do you, Jacob Bae, swear on your adorable, round, only-second-to-Kevin-Moon-rated ass, not to laugh at me?”

Jacob couldn’t help his smile, “Well you’re really testing me now.”

“Jacob!”

“OK, OK, I, Jacob Bae, swear on my adorable, second rate butt not to laugh at you.”

Kevin sighed before that, but it sounded a little more wet than his last breaths. But Jacob was only really sure he was crying when he yelled:

“Are you only dating me because you’re homesick?”

“What?” Jacob briefly registered the other guy in the bathroom shooting them a disgusted look before washing his hands hurriedly and leaving.

Jacob couldn’t bring himself to care, because Kevin reiterated, “Are you only dating me because I remind you of home?”

“Wh—“Jacob had never truly understood the term _flabbergasted_ until that, “Kevin we’re not even from the same part of the countr—"

“I know that,” Kevin sniffled, “It’s a yes or no question.”

“No, that’s not the only reason I’m dating you.”

“Oh, so it is a reason?”

“No! I mean yes, not- why does it matter?”

“It matters,” Kevin’s voice cracked, “Because everyone thinks so! They think you just like, like the idea of me and not actually me? I don’t know! It’s a weird reason to date people, and I know we’re already pretty weird but…”

“Wait, wait,” Jacob rested his forehead on the cubicle door, germs be damned, he was Confused, “Who said that? People online?”

“I’m not that stupid,” Kevin managed to sound like a little bitch while also nearly sobbing, and Jacob honestly considered it a talent, “Eric said it, and Chanhee laughed, and they said they were joking but you know honestly It’s kind of a reason why I’m dating you too. But if it’s the only reason on your end- not that I’m accusing you of being shallow but—”

“Keviiiin,” Jacob leaned on the door, “They were probably actually joking. You realize that’s just Eric’s kind of humor, right? We’ve lived with him for years.”

“I know but… It kind of made sense to me? I mean…” Kevin stopped when he farted again, “Why are you dating me?”

“We’re dating because I like you. And you like me,” Jacob smiled, “Do we need another reason?”

Kevin hummed a little, “Why do you like me?”

Oh, if these were the kinds of questions Kevin wanted to ask, they’d be here for days, “Well, I think you’re really sweet, to me and to everyone. And you always make me smile and laugh when I need to. I like that you never stop talking, and you’re really good at just talking at me? When I need to talk to someone but I don’t have the energy to you can just go on without me asking. You always seem to know what I need and you make a lot of things easier and less awkward.”

“And I’m good at kissing.”

“Yup. You’re good at so many things.”

“Of course, I am. No untalented hack would be allowed to date you.”

 _You’d never let them,_ “What about you? Why do you like me?”

“Hmmm,” Kevin was still sniffling, but he sounded a lot lighter now. Jacob was starting to believe Younghoon, Kevin had straight up praise kink, “You’re nice to everyone, even when we’re all being little shits. You’re very good at taking pictures of me. Not that I ever look bad, but I look really good in your photos.”

Jacob snorted.

“You said you weren’t going to laugh!”

“Sorry.”

“I was just about to say that I like how you never break promises. And your teeth are really fucking cute. And you love music a lot so that’s a huge bonus on my end, I get free phonecerts every date or so. And um, and I also like you because you like me? Does that make sense?”

“Yup,” Jacob eased off of the door when he heard it creak, “I like that you like me too.”

Jacob was glad he’d gotten off the door, because less than a second later the toilet flushed and Kevin threw open the door hugged Jacob into the wall.

“And you remind me of home,” Kevin mumbled, “But that’s also just a bonus.”

“Same,” Jacob patted him on the back, “Are you okay now?”

“Yeah, I’m Gucci Kevin again,” Kevin pulled back and smiled, “Sorry you had to deal with Stinky Snotty Kevin.”

“It’s OK, I love all Kevins equally.”

Kevin squished their noses together and smirked, “As you should. All Kevins are queens.”

Jacob laughed and nudged him away, “Go wash your hands queen. Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was a warmup for my actual school papers but it blew itself out of proportion 
> 
> hope you enjoyed it nonetheless, all kevins are queens


End file.
